Last Modified: 30 June 2010
Youth
Jane Yee blogs about depression
So there's this TV ad that I'm in. People keep texting and tweeting
me to say they've seen it and the first thing that pops into my head is man,
the hair is so far from being great in that ad - how many more people are going
to see it?
Then I realise (and hope) that everyone who sees the commercial is able to
look beyond the lego-hairdo and realise that the message I'm delivering is
important. It really is.
Hello! Today's blog is going to be kind of heavy and full of clichés!
Sorry...
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So, I've known for a long time that this entry had to be written, and as you
read on, perhaps you'll know why I've been putting it off.
First, let me give you some background to how I ended up on that ad.
The
Lowdown is the Ministry of Health's initiative to help young people
who might be suffering from depression. The project kicked off in 2007, and at
that time the Lowdown team began canvassing personalities that young people
might be able to relate to.
They approached various sportspeople, musicians, TV presenters, and actors in
the hope they would discuss any experiences they might have had with depression.
Back then I was still presenting on C4, and when they came knocking on my door
they hit the depression jackpot!
After agreeing to take part we were asked to deliver a piece to
camera with a message for young people who might be going
through hard times. If you would like to watch my spiel, go for it. You'll see that I ended up admitting I've
struggled with pretty serious depression, and as a result of my video I became
something of a poster girl for the whole Lowdown campaign. At the time I
appeared on a TV ad that helped launch the website, I voiced radio commercials,
and also acted as a "navigator" on the site itself.
Then, last year, they asked me to record a new TV ad - which is the one you
might have recently seen doing the rounds on the telly.
Getting involved with The Lowdown was my first experience publicly admitting
I had been through depression and it wasn't easy. I had managed to keep that
little gem under my hat for some time, but I've found that the more open and
honest I am about it, the more weight is lifted from my shoulders.
Now I'm about to be publicly more honest than I have ever been before.
I have been diagnosed on two occasions with severe clinical depression. Both
times it started out with a trigger event, but instead of dusting myself off and
getting on with things, as I always had before, I found myself spiralling into
extremely low moods that I just couldn't shake.
Quite simply, I couldn't find joy in anything, nor could I remember what it
was like to look forward to anything. Every morning I woke up dreading what the
day would bring. I would stand in the shower for extended periods of time,
desperately trying to convince myself to face the day. Each step into the
outside world was a giant hurdle and I totally withdrew from social activities.
Eventually I started going to sleep hoping that somehow I wouldn't wake up in
the morning.
It got so bad that I couldn't be trusted to be on my own in case I hurt
myself, and I ended up moving back in with my parents where I didn't get off the
couch for weeks.
It sounds
terribly cliché, but I managed to get through with the help of my family and
close friends.
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Even though I was totally miserable to be around, and very
abrasive and nigh on abusive at some points, the people who care about me banded
together to support me and help me through. I owe them all my life and will
forever be grateful that they held my hand until I could see the path for
myself.
And it is like a light at the end of the tunnel, you know. When you
realise things are starting to get better, that little pinprick of hope is all
you need to get you to the next step.
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And then things exponentially improve, day
by day, until suddenly life is good again. While being in the depths of
depression is the worst feeling imaginable, knowing you have come out the other
side is absolutely the best feeling imaginable.
It horrifies me to think that prior to experiencing depression, I more or
less wrote off anyone who claimed to be depressed as a self-indulgent attention
seeker who just needed to suck it up like the rest of us. It wasn't until I was
in that place myself that I realised how awful it really is and how impossible
it is to understand if you've never been there before.
Right now, life is pretty good and I find it hard to believe that I was
swallowed so utterly and completely into the depths of such dark periods of
depression. In fact, on several occasions I very nearly didn't make it out. That
bit is particularly hard to admit, but I didn't want to skirt around the edges
on this topic.
These days I have to be careful. If I feel myself starting to get low, I
really have to keep myself in check to make sure it doesn't go beyond the realms
of what I can control. It's by no means easy to live life this way, but I
continue to hope that I've learnt enough about my depression to keep it at
bay.
The reasons I've written all this are threefold. First, it really helps me
deal with my experiences by sharing. Second, I'm hoping that if anyone reading
this has a loved one who suffers from depression, you might come to understand a
little better what they are going through, and also be encouraged that they can
come out the other side, particularly with your love and support.
Of course, finally, if you are reading this and you are going through some of
the things that I have been through, to whatever degree it may be, I hope it
helps to know that you're not the only person to feel the way you're feeling. I
hope it helps to know there is a way out and that you just need to reach out to
those around you. If you are in this situation, or if you're not sure but think
you might be, please talk to someone you trust or visit The Lowdown website
and make contact with the team there.
I have no questions for you guys today because I have a feeling a huge number
of you will have either have experienced depression yourselves, or watched a
loved one go through it... So, I'm just going to leave you to discuss all this
as you see fit. Thanks for reading this - it means a lot.
Source:
www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/blogs/the-girls-guide/3490748/Diagnosis-Clinical-depression
Media Release:
Take this link to view the media release.
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